you guys were way drunker than both of me
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
