Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
