Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
