You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
