I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
