i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
