I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
