omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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