There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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