it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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