Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
