I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
