4 words: hood of his car
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
