you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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