who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
