hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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