Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
