I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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