We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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