i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm passing your future prison.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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