and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
