youre lurking in front of me
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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