I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
