My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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