if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
That's when you crack a 10am beer
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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