a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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