I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
