Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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