my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
