so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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