I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
