So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
