Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
