By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
