Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
