if i can run in heels then i can drive
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
