He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
