She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I will be naked everywhere
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
