Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
try to milk me bitch
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
