Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize