Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
