Having a random hookup so left but love u
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
