Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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