I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
