no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
