I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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