we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
