Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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