I'm going to jail i love you
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
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