It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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