butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize