yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
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