Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
