Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
