Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
No subtext here. People are naked.
did i walk over a car last night?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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