You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
