**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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