Sry I called you an 8
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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