i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
