Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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