i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
