I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
