why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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