Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
