Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Help. Why am I so naked?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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