It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
