If i come over, it means nothing
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
