Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
