I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
