thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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