um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
