Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
