He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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