Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
