Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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