Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The best revenge is premature balding
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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