My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
