I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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