So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I need to stop coming to work sober
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
home. puking in laundry basket.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
