she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
