just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
