booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
