***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
420 ftw
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
