I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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