I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
