I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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