Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
