Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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