Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
