Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
