i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I love you. Go after that dick
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
