i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
