Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
