Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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