Need sex. Gaining weight.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
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