just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize