apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
