Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
