Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
